Deployment Day 4

Well it has been a couple days I figured I would not bore you all with "ALL" the details.  Overall Tuesday and Wednesday went ok.  Tuesday I did not hear from Adam so it was pretty rough but I know he will not be talking to me everyday and I have been training my brain and emotions that this will be the case.

On Tuesday the kids and I decided to go out and go shopping for Adam and his care packages.  It was quite fun we decided to do some fun themes.  Adam will love it when he gets some of the packages in the mail.  I have been writing him a letter almost everyday.  This helps with the process, I makes you feel as if you did talk to him.  Saphia and Steel are going to be making him some pictures and cards this weekend as well.  I try not to be down everyday because a year is long time to feel that way so we have to take some moments and have fun with his deployment.  Honestly it does suck but I have to stay strong for my children.  I feel as if my children are the ones holding me up this week.....

You try to go on with your day as if you did before but there are those moments that all of a sudden it hits you, that they are not there and you will not see them for quite sometime.  You eat, sleep and do all those little things alone now and it is takes some getting used to.

Yesterday was a rough day with the little monkey she was all over the place and constantly wanted to be picked up.  I am usually like no no mommy is not picking you up for the 80th time but I know she feels pain to and she knows daddy is not here.  I know a couple times yesterday I got mad at her and then I would just break down because I know it was me too just getting mad about the whole picture not just because she would not listen at that moment.  I have to really start to think am I truly upset with her behaviors because that is her normal self or is she acting out because daddy is not here or am I getting mad because daddy is not here.  Sometimes you have to step outside those bubbles to help yourself in your own situations especially when you start crying and your daughter says "mommy you ok, you sad mommy?"  How observant and how knowledgeable they are even at the age of 2....

We do miss him so much and it is hard without him here to even just call when I need my best friend.  I want to so badly to pick up the phone and call even text but I just can't.  That is when i pick up a pen now and just write.  It feels so old school to write a letter but it feels good when my hand is all cramped because I know that I am getting out on paper what I need to tell him.  I would type since it would be much faster for me but I really wanted to go back to the roots of what deployments were all about.  Those letters are a memory and a pieces of what that moment was like on those days without each other. 

I did hear from him yesterday he stated he was a little bored but hey that means not much is going on which is perfectly fine with me.  Again our conversation was only about 17 minutes but we made the most of it and this time we knew what the beeps were so we said goodbye and told each other we loved each other before it just hung up on us.  How we learn so quickly on the little things. 

We are so proud of what he does and what he is doing but I still have the right to hate his job today....I miss you Adam....
Until we hear your voice again my love..... you are in all of our hearts here....