Deployment Day 1

After posting my first blog last night I was up all most of the night.  Saphia and I sat in an empty and dark hotel room that was not helping both of us at all.  She played with her toys as I sat there and watched.  I would break down now and then because it was just so hard for me to believe this happened. 

Before Adam left we got Saphia a book from Hallmark that you could record you own voice while reading the story to your child.  We ended up getting her one of the books and Adam recorded his voice for her.  She was turning the pages and listening to his voice as if she thought it sounds like my daddy but then at the end he said to her "I love you my pumpkin pie and remember I am always in your heart and you are always in my heart."  Saphia then looked at me and said "that's daddy I'm pumpkin pie, in my heart." while she pats her chest.  I immediatly started to cry and I thought wow she is so little but she does understand more than what I thought she would.  Some ways this was good and some ways this was bad.  As I was crying Saphia leaned into me and wiped my tears and said "mommy ok? it will be ok mommy." while shaking her head in a yes nodding motion.  She was so sweet to me.

As the night went on I finally got her to settle down and go to bed since she kept thinking every noise and movement was daddy at the door.  I could not go to bed at all I was up for hours.  Most nights when Adam and I are not home together we always text and tell each other how much we love each other and we always say goodnight.  Well tonight I knew there was going to be none of that so I feel that made me more upset than him not being with me.  Because at least with those text messages we had a base of communication.   

Well it was time to go to bed and I found his shirt he was wearing and his jacket and I noticed I just could not let go of these items at all.  I woke up with them still next to me.  It was a rough night with very little sleep but we got through.

The morning has begun and we were still hanging in there.  While getting ready my phone buzzed and I thought oh great I knew it - I get in the shower and Adam calls..  Well he did not call but he did write on Facebook and it made me feel so much better knowing he at least made it to Germany. Saphia and I then got around and had breakfast with a great new friend (Adam's friends he introduced me to).  Carrie was so great, we met at her place for some coffee and bagels and the kids played.  After that Saphia and I got back on the road to head back to our family home in PA. 

Overall our day went pretty good still with our roller-coasters of emotions but we did it.  My mom had us all over to her house along with my brother and Alisa for dinner, it really helped the time pass quickly.  Those moments that make the time go by faster always helps.  I realized tonight that the busier I am the better I am.  I have already started my list of things that I will be doing to take up the time and make it go as fast as I can. 

Until I see my Adam again he is always in my heart........