Deployment Day 35

Well it has been about 20 days since I have updated the blog.  I have been thinking about writing in it but it seams that I have been able to be in contact with Adam most days.  I can't believe that a month has already past even though somedays it feels like it has been 10 months.  Overall myself and the kids are doing ok. We have been starting to make packages for Adam and send them off.  However Adam is not able to get his mail yet so it has been very discouraging for him and us as well. 
This deployment already has shown us that this is not something that it is all cracked up to be.  This time around we are married with a child and it is much harder to explain to the children that their daddy is gone.  It is at the point now that I really can't talk about daddy most days like I used to be able to.  Saphia gets upset and she does not know enough to understand where he is and what he is doing.  Being only 2 she thinks he is still in the plane.  I have tried to tell her he is on land now but she gets very angry and say "no land in plane"  "Daddy is in plane".  I always thought that wow at 2 she should be fine it is like out of sight out of mind.  Not so much for Saphia she is constantly looking at his pictures through out the house and saying "my daddy"  Even the little things like seeing his car in the driveway bothers her.  I think tomorrow we will put her car seat in daddy's car and go for a ride so she knows it is ok to see daddy's car and to ride in it just as we did before. 
Steel seams to be hanging in there ok however, he too has a hard time dealing.  He is ok if you just scratch the surface of conversations but if you get talking to much about Adam he gets upset and starts to cry.  Children are not as flexible and not as tolerable as they say they are.  Steel constantly asks me if he has won against the bad guy yet and if he has won the war.  The questions never end and Steel is at the age of 8 where he is full of questions but does not really understand the level of danger that these men and women are in over there.  He is very good at writing to Adam and making pictures and having fun with doing the boxes to send to him.  I notice now and then where Steel will be listening to certain songs or doing certain things that he says reminds him of Adam.  He is very close to Adam and loves him like a dad.  He was upset the other day when I told him that Adams 15 leave is hopefully going to be in August but it is not a guarantee and he did not understand.  So I had to go into explaining that the dates may change and this and that.  The problem with Steel he needs to know concrete answers and he needs to have something to look to and when he does not have that he has a hard time dealing with the separation from Adam. 
As for me I am hanging in there trying to keep as busy as possible but some days I just wish it was bed time again when I am waking up.  I wake up wating for the hours to roll around so I will see Adam come onto Yahoo messenger and if I don't hear from him I wait for the night hours to get here to hear from him.  This is another 2 day stretch that I have not heard from him and it is very hard to deal with.  I know he can't always call, message or even touch base with me everyday but I just wish if he could not talk if there was a way just to send a single word like "hello".  It is not anything that he can do or help but it is hard to not hear from him for days in a row.  I pray everyday that he is ok and safe and can't wait to see him again.  I know it is only a year but a year without your best friend, you lover, the person you can't get enough of everyday is hard.  He is our life and we love him so much so the time does not go fast but it just moves along. 
Adam misses everyone so much and can't wait for this to be done as well but it won't be for sometime now.  For all of you who support his service I thank you so much.  As I tell the kids every night at bedtime let take a moment of quiet time to think of daddy and pray for his safety and wellness. 
We love you Adam (daddy) and we can't wait to talk to you again .......